In a world of #metoo, absent fathers and globalization which sees many children being raised by solo moms without nearby family supports and with few male role models, it's REALLY IMPORTANT to sing the praises of those men who do step up. Because we always create more of that which we give our focus and attention to.
In the fairy tale version of "it takes a village", comfortable, fully (respectably) employed stable men with wives and families will generously include your child sometimes and provide some stability, quasi-fathering and family role modeling.
But the solo mama version of fairytales rarely follows a neat template, I have learned, and we actually hardly know any 'normal' dual-parent families with a father. In our one-solo-mom-one-teenage-girl-totally-disinterested-absent-father-biracial-family reality here in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand, it has been an odd assortment of global men who have stepped in, stepped up from time to time, and simply been themselves - modeling behaviour or simply teaching my girl 'stuff' that is much easier to learn from someone who is not her mom.
Currently, my daughter Ploi @nabithecat wants to join the after-school basketball club. But the catch is you have to be able to play the game first, and she hasn't known how (teaching sport not being a major Thai 'thing', especially for girls).. Now her mama has been a very good basketball player in her day, but is already many months recovering from a serious arm injury; we are also at that place in her adolescence where if mama suggests red, we're probably going to choose blue. Hahaha... natural, healthy and 'this too shall pass'.
Into the breach and without hesitation stepped my friend, customer and organic project adviser, Daniel Brandt, visiting Chiang Mai from Maxx Nutrition in Seattle, USA. "Sure, I'll teach her how to play ball like a pro. I have a couple of weeks here and can make some time." And he has. Almost every day. He has never been a biological father, which makes his sensitivity and willingness to hang with Miss 14 on the basketball court even more special.
And he worked her HARD.
In 35C heat, until she had blisters on all 10 fingers from dribbling practice and could barely stand first thing in the morning cos her legs and butt were so tight.
How did she respond? She didn't say much. Went to bed much earlier and then started nagging me strangely to change-up our early morning super smoothie for oatmeal. I absent-mindedly agreed and gave her a run down of adding nutrients and how to make it taste great and how to use coconut milk instead of dairy. Her job, not mine. She has faithfully made us oatmeal for breakfast 3 days in a row. This is today's effort: organic oats with coconut milk, a touch of Burmese raw honey and cinnamon, fresh mango, pumpkin seeds and bee pollen.
It was only driving to school this morning that the penny dropped as to why we are suddenly oatmeal people: it's cos Dano (our affectionate name for Daniel) eats oatmeal before training.
They see and copy so much!
So thank you to the men who have confidently held my daughter for her first scary body surf in the ocean and shown her how to sit on a motorcycle without burning her legs on the exhaust pipe. Thank you to the men who have brought us their home-baked brownies and cookies, made dahl in our kitchen with her and shown her that guys can nest and cook too. Much gratitude to the men who have helped her to grasp the concepts of crypto currency or shown her small kindnesses (like remembering to give her LOTS of extra sauce with a meal) which have made an enormous difference cos they make her feel special in a world where she has often felt ignored and sidestepped by men. Mostly, thank you to every man who has demonstrated for her that her mama is lovable and loved and worth investing in, and that she is too. That last one resonates the most, and will shape the way she views herself and engages with men her whole life long.
Guys. Thank you. From my heart.
Contributing to the @earthtribe. Cos it MATTERS.
